Hello my friends! Today I thought I would look at why I called the blog “Mental Layers”.  I have for some time wanted a way to define the ego in a way that is not singular, rather focuses on how the ego becomes a number of identities throughout life.  In this way, the ego is not a constant being, but it is however a consistently changing entity that builds on itself…it evolves.  That is why I chose “mental layers” because it personifies what happens over time, the ego continues to build layer upon layer.  These layers are what we try to break over time, trying to become “one” with ourselves and live as we once did as a child (observant, non-judgmental, blissful, and full of energy/life).

My layers started early in childhood.  I was born to a loving, first-generation family that came to this country to live the “American Dream”.  They left their beautiful, simple life behind to provide opportunities, mainly in education, for their children.  I was fortunate enough to be born to parents that happened to be a bit more financially secure than others.  I believe was no divine “reason” I was born to them, as there is no reason someone is born to parents living in the most rural part of the Amazon.  If it makes people “feel” better to think they were born to their circumstance for a reason, then so be it, however, I cannot justify that a random series of events (meeting, love, fertilization, mutations) make me more special…make me deserve my situation (I accepted it and am thankful).  Every child comes into this world with the same mental state, not mental condition, but state.  Over time, due to the wiring of the brain (nature) and the environment which we are raised (nurture), everyone starts building layers.

My parents could not afford to raise two children in the US and so they shipped me to live my grandparents in India (we were living 8 people in a 2 bedroom).  Their decision to leave me was not out of malice, but that experience started the building of layers.  Just watching them leave, created a fear.  My mind did not want to go through that same feeling and so built a layer to protect myself…in effect I became a bit further removed from my true self.  Other things happened such as physical abuse, mental abuse, and sexual abuse which builds more fears, layers and intensifies the ego.  I say these things not to gain sympathy, I actually accepted the situation (how do I know how those people were raised, what they went through), but to show that situations cause your mind to protect itself…creating an entity onto itself.  Every person goes through their own situations/events, which in their own relative mind is traumatic or profound, causing them to build a layer.

Over the years, moving back to the US, living in a culture of instant gratification, social acceptance and need, the layers kept piling up.  Money, getting ahead, survival of the fittest, religion, fame etc all helped create the “image” of what I thought I needed to become to be happy.  It’s so fascinating, the idea that we need to become something to be happy, or ego-free.  That is so far from the truth…the reality is to accept you for all your beauty, splendor and faults (not physical but the being).  But that is not the reality…there is a reason that a third of the country is in collections, average debt is at over $6K per person and the Kim Kardashian app (I can write so much on that) can generate $200M in revenue in a matter of months. We believe that having is becoming, making is living and acquiring “stuff” is the goal.  There are countless studies showing that making more money doesn’t equal happiness, or if you actually read Darwin’s Origin of Species he talks about love and moral sensitivity over 90 times but selfishness and survival of the fittest less than 15 times.  Why is it that these things become so much more pervasive?  In my humble opinion I feel it is because: people that have want to control, the nature of our capitalist culture, and mostly people want to believe THEMSELVES to be special and find ways to show it.  Evolution is not an individual phenomenon, but a societal, yet we view it as a reason for way we live.

I am not against making money, on the contrary, I live in one of the most expensive cities and work in a well-paid job…I have certain responsibilities (family, student debt, mortgage) and am striving for financial freedom, but my journey is not to be defined by what I have but what energy/happiness I feel and share with all beings.  The mental layers that I struggle to overcome come from what I have been taught and the goal is to break those until I get to my true self.  The true self goes back to being judgment-free, energy producing, happy, and most of all accepting all that you are in THIS moment.  Not to dwell on the past, get anxious about the future but live for the life I am given…being present is feeling, breathing, loving yourself and everyone.   Some people may say that this easy for me since I don’t live in a volatile environment (war zone, conflict, poverty)…that is true, but no one truly knows what they are going through mentally (we can assume).  This society I live in might be more painful to survive mentally for me, than others who have accepted their situation, whatever that might be. The goal is to accept the moment, and the only way to do that is to break the layers.  Have a wonderful day…next time I will delve into how Technology can hinder/help the search for the self.