Hello world,

It has been some time since I wrote a post…it was a combination of time, travel, work, visitors and anything else you can think about.  The truth is that for some reason my mind just prevented me from writing, always making excuses every time I would have spare time…the mind is a powerful distraction from being able to live in the moment.

I recently took a trip to Philadelphia for work and met up with a dear friend whom I consider a sister.  Her brother was someone who changed my life and although he passed away, his energy and spirit forever live and guide me…he is a beacon of light and someone who truly lived life.  We met for coffee and she discussed her new journey into a masters program at a top “rated” university.  She was talking about school and how so many people she has been meeting just  seem to “have it”…to get it on life (seem confident, etc), and she was envious about that fact (looking up to that).  This caught me by surprise because she is one of the most decorated and successful people I know, someone who I never have to worry about in any regard…yet she was explaining to me how she feels envious of other people.  In reality, she was not envious of anything but her mind made assumptions about everyone else and she began to look at them through the lens of her own mental perception.  How could she have been “envious” if she only met them a few weeks ago, interacted with them for a few times…it was all a mental image of who she THOUGHT they were…those same people got into the same prestigious school she got into, so why was she envious?

When we delved into her mindset a bit more, and it soon became clear that it was not a matter of others but a matter of self.  She did not look at her own self as someone who gets it (even though others probably look at her in that same light) or even in that same light.  This is something that I struggle with as well and could relate to what she was going through.  The reason we were this was was due to our upbringing, always told that we were never good enough.  My parents/family did not do this out of spite, ill will or in an “unloving” way, but our parents/siblings believed that life is a competition and you have to continue to improve yourself to compete.  They believed that loving yourself and being confident in your abilities/strengths is bad and will bring negative energy/karma…almost akin to cockiness.  That was probably the way they were raised…there was no hatred, but this was just the way their mind/environment was and still is.  Our environment created a lasting effect on our ego and that is how we view ourselves.  I asked her to say a tell herself that “I love me”, yet I could see her struggle with these three words even though she has spoken three other words so many times (I love you).   This same phrase is something that has taken me 30 years to say.

I have such an easy time saying “I love you”.  It is something I truly feel towards my family, friends, students, and I have even said a number of times in a drunken stuper to strangers…however, it is something I could not say to myself.  I love everyone else in the world but I did not know how to truly love myself.  Every-time I looked in the mirror I saw and would dwell on some type of imperfection…every-time I read an article about someone successful I wondered what made them that way…every-time I would do any type of assessment regarding strengths/weaknesses I focused on my weaknesses.  This was not who I was, but something that was stuck in my mind from my upbringing (I needed to break free of).  It was not until I went to Shanti Bhavan, met my wife and truly started the journey of breaking my ego did I say this.  I remember one day my wife  told me “I wish you could see yourself the way I see you and others see you”.  This made me cry because it was so true…if I could look at myself the way I see others, or the way others see me, I would see my own true beauty.

Through the past few years getting to know myself and breaking my ego, I have gotten to look inside myself and love what I see. The self I love is not something special or unique, it comes from the realization that I am made from the same energy that makes up the universe and every other living being on this planet.  This does not make me cocky or conceded, yet it provides humility in the way I look at others and myself.  It does not matter if you are rich, poor, strong, weak…you are made from the same substance, and begin/end your life in the same way.  To be one with God is to be one with yourself…in that regards I love myself because I was created in the energy of God.  It is something that for some takes time…but now I can say those words, “I love me” and mean every word.  I love my being, my external/internal self, my strengths, my weaknesses, my energy, and my everything.  I asked my sister to say “I love me” and it brought tears to both our eyes…life is not about the external, it is not about what the mind perceives or how it thinks…it is about becoming one with yourself and seeing yourself in that same light.  I hope that whoever reads this can see themselves in the way that I see them, others who love them see them, and if no one is around, the way the universe sees them…an extension of God.  So take a moment, step back and spend some time just loving yourself.  It is the best way to love and show love to others.  I love you all and I love me.